Never in my life did I think I would be sharing something that has been so soul destroying and confidence killing with so so many people out on a public domain. Even this very blog post has been drafted many times and then deleted because I couldn’t get myself to open up this huge vulnerability of mine. But finally, I decided that if my experiences and mistakes can help even just one person, then its worth it. But please know this is very very hard for me..
Ok, here we go.. Lets go back to my teenage years when it started. Ive had mild acne since I was around 14. My mum said it was genetics because she had it too. I just thought, hey I’ll grow out of the puberty acne stage. Although it affected me in school and the way I looked at myself, I just kept telling myself it will eventually fade away.
Lets fast forward to a 23 year old me, where I had tried everything and I literally mean everything from healthy eating, to anti biotics, to natural cures, some random blue light therapies – and nothing worked. In fact the more the tried to do to get rid of it the worse it seemed to be getting. Add modeling and fashion blogging into the equation where I had to be photographed everyday and wear foundation daily too – and my skin entered its worst phase ever.
Very desperate to do something about it, I tried even more creams and visited some more cosmetic clinics.. everything to vain. It got so bad at one point, that I didn’t want to wake up in the morning to even look at myself in the mirror or go out to meet people. Also, I constantly felt like quitting modeling and blogging. My family have been so loving through it all. And mum always said to me that its always the darkest before the sun rises. I hadn’t really understood that phrase until one night amidst my agony, I read an article online on this drug called Accutane / Roaccutane. This drug has been my sun rise.
I read that a lot of people with severe acne benefitted from it. But I also read tons of negative reviews about the dangers of this drug so I spoke to my mum about it (since she is a doctor) and she suggested I go meet a dermatologist in London. The next day I booked an appointment with one of the best dermatologists in London, Dr. Friedmann of the Harley Street Dermatology Clinic. He spoke to me and questioned me about my history with acne and without hesitation prescribed me to Roaccutane (I will write another full post with all the details of the drug etc soon). So anyway, despite all the dangerous side effects I had read about, I started on it that very same day(desperate for it to work). And Im so happy to say that today, 4.5 months later, is the last day of my course and I’m completely acne free for the first time in my life since 14. I have absolutely clean spot-less skin, only some minor scarring which is also fading quickly. I sit here writing this today struggling to imagine how I didn’t do this sooner. Roaccutane completely changed my life and gave me my confidence back, which I am forever thankful for.
The struggle had been real and I’ve learnt a lot along the way. Here is what I really want you guys to take away from this. Firstly, please please never judge anyone in life. You never know the struggles people actually face. People might put on a hard exterior but might be suffering on the inside. Therefore, please never make fun of someone based on their looks or otherwise, we have to empower each other and not tear each other down. I still remember this one blogger (not going to mention her name) but she met me once and actually said to me “You’ve got such a pretty face, shame your skin is so bad.. Bet your followers wouldn’t even recognize you without makeup”. Let me tell you, I am a very strong person and I usually never let people’s statements affect me. But that night when I saw myself in the mirror, it really did affect me. I felt like I was lying to you guys and covering all my acne with a shit load of foundation and editing. But, I promised myself I would share my acne story one day. I like sharing positive stories and stories where I have overcome my adversity so that way I can help you guys through my experiences. From the start, I decided that the blog would be a positive arena and not a place where I brood. And here we are, I have over come this almost decade long adversity and Im here to tell you guys, Im truly from the bottom of my heart grateful for it all. For the acne, for the rude comments for the struggles because they all made me the strong spiritual woman I am today.
One last piece of advice to anyone who is currently going through acne, please don’t lose hope – there is lots of options to cure it, no matter how severe it is. Please please go see a dermatologist and get it looked at. They seriously do know the best. I know it can be expensive for some, but in the long run you will save a lot of money by visiting a dermatologist than trying out every other method known to man in hopes of curing it.
Without further adieu, here are real life photos from 4/5 months ago (sorry they are poor quality just taken from my laptop). I didn’t think I was ever going to write this post nor did I ever want to take photos of my awful skin really so these are just a few that I have..
And these are selfies I’ve taken since the treatment started working. They are my completely bare skin or just with a mild bb cream on. Im truly soo so grateful for my skin today. Now all I have left to tackle is a bit of minor scarring (I can write another post on that soon too).
If you have any more question’s please don’t hesitate to leave them below or my social media channels and I promise to answer as many of them as I can!
I love you guys very much and thank you so much for being on this beautiful journey with me. Without your constant support, I would have quit on the blog many times. Your words touch me like no other and now I hope I can touch you with my stories.
We are all in this together- #Diiers for LIFE!
HUGS, YOUR Dii x